Stop Divorce - Prevention

So you’ve decided to get your marriage back on track – and get busy in preventing, Stop divorce

Where do you start? First, you have to get serious. Plan for undisturbed time alone. Send the kids to a relative or friend’s house or go away for the weekend so you can talk in peace and quiet. Think of this as your retreat.If your marital issues include a total lack of communication, you are going to find it hard to get started, but if you are really invested in the process of stop divorce, you’ll get there! Some couples choose to write things down in the
first session so that they don’t have to talk about all the details. But, eventually you WILL have to talk about it. Whatever gets you started is fine.   Just know that you need to get the point where you can talk things through! It is likely that you’ve given a lot of thought to the things that really bug you about your spouse, but when you are suddenly faced with getting these things out in the open, you may draw a blank. Be patient and give yourself some time to adjust to what is happening. You may have wished for this chance, but now that it is here, you’ll have to think and speak carefully. It is best to start by setting some ground rules for how you will discuss the issues. If you do this upfront, you won’t have to mend fences when someone gets angry or defensive. Consider these ground rules to get you started.  

You can probably come with some others on your own! Allow the other person to finish a thought or a sentence without interruption Don’t make faces or sounds or act like you are judging each other. Just listen! If you would like to clarify or disagree with something, do it with respect and don’t raise your voice No physical signs of threat or angry outbursts! Ask a lot of questions if you don’t understand what the other person is saying – don’t
assume! Keep your discussions between the two of you. Always trust that your spouse is trying to do and say the right thing and only wants to rebuild the relationship. Don’t get defensive or try to undermine the process. Understand that both parties are hurt and confused and that sometimes they may say or do something to express that hurt or confusion. Try not to take it personally! Always end the discussion by talking about your positive feelings toward each other and highlight the progress you’ve made. Talk about what you heard that surprised you, or that pleased you, or even the things you never knew and wished you had known before!  

Agree on the next time you will talk and come to the next discussion with a calm and open mind. If you are not up to the discussion for whatever
reason, ask for a break or reschedule it…but DON’T PUT IT OFF as a delay tactic! Add whatever ground rules you feel you need to address your personal situation. Now that we have those ground rules in place, it is time to identify the issues.   If you can do this dispassionately, you are quite a unique individual. The purpose of getting the issues on paper is to be more objective about them and to use them as ‘talking points’ when your discussion gets off track or becomes emotional. Remember that the way you frame your issues must always include respect for the other person. Don’t be accusatory or try to strike out at your spouse. Remember that there was a time when you were deeply in love and devoted to each other and even if you have lost a lot of that spark, there is still a person you love somewhere in the core of this relationship, or you would not be trying so hard to save it. Here are some issues you may find familiar.As you begin to put things on paper, you’ll find that other issues will come naturally.  Stop Divorce.